Anything like expert voice2/9/2024 Sometimes we even have more relevant things to say. Over the years I have learned that we, Romanians, do belong in many of those rooms. The Americans care less about your Romanianess as long as you properly acknowledge their aid and investments. – rarely fail to remind you where you come from, and how you should appreciate the enlightenment they bring. Western Europeans – think the Dutch, the French, the British, the Nordics etc. Sure, it’s partly my own perennial personal insecurity, but there’s a cultural conditioning element to it. Full stop.)įirst: even after years of studying and speaking abroad, I can’t shake off the voice that says, “you’re from Romania, what can you actually contribute to the conversation?” It’s a loud voice every time I step into a room in the US, or Finland, or Italy, or wherever. (Caveat: If we in the independent media scene don’t start being conversant in all, plus learn how to manage modern workplaces, we’ll die. I understand it, I can speak it, but I sometimes feel like the kid sitting in on adults having a conversation. Truth be told, the jargon of news product always scared the shit out of me, just like the language of digital strategy and audience engagement, and all other non-editorial conversations we’re having in my business. I was scheduled for a panel on news product thinking, and innovation, and also booked as an expert for newsrooms to have 1-on-1s with. (The firing, on Wednesday, of Romania’s most well-known journalist by his Swiss bosses at Ringier underscored our shitty predicament.) More than 150 journos from newsrooms in Romania, Bulgaria, Hungary, Poland, and others, plus a few dozen experts and donors gathered to figure out how we can survive in this climate, keep or build our audiences, and hopefully make some money from them. I was in Budapest for a conference dedicated to media in Central and Eastern Europe. The imposter syndrome showed up big time this week. Certainly not enough for others to see me. And I don’t think I’ve been articulate enough about it (outside of therapy). Working hard – often in excess – has been a remedy for my imposter syndrome. What I wanted to say was this: I’ve always worked hard, and I’ve always had trouble saying “no”, especially when it comes to being of service to others. I dread the latter, but I’ll venture forth this week and risk it. I cut this part because I couldn’t tell where it landed on the border between being vulnerable and being a pity party. We do too much, because too few places can afford to pay enough for us to do less. Sure, there’s a structural issue at fault: the kind of work I do, the kind of work many creatives do, is at the border of precariousness. I ended up going through terrible weeks when I dropped my runs and ate pretzels on the way to whatever I was doing. I ended up with more stakeholders than I had when I ran a newsroom, more competing needs, more changes in the deliverables than I could control. So I took on projects, too many, too varied, too stressful. I also had to replace my lost income from having a job. I had to pay a very steep literal price for a renovation this year. I know there’ll be a time the price will be too high, but it hasn’t come yet. I’ve always paid that price, knowingly and happily. They made me sleep less, they made my skin itch, they made me eat like crap, and they made me the proudest and happiest I had been. Those stories took days and nights from me and the reporters I worked with. “This is the first year in many where I have not published a story that I know will last. I say “some” because, while I know we can’t have it all (hence the price), we often do strive for more than “one”.Īs proof, I present to you a few paragraphs I cut from last’s week letter before sending it, because I thought them too self-indulgent: Sooner or later, we focus, even if for a short time: some paths, not others some cities some countries some relationships some jobs some ways of using our energy and time. Last week, I wrote about the price we pay for making choices. Thank you for understanding my late replies and caring for the work. I’ve not decided if and how I should continue writing these in 2024, but your replies and ideas have been helping. Which might be why I’m trying to cram too many ideas in each letter. FYI: I realize the end of the year is near.
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